Pain is a biological signal in the body that something is changing, something is growing and sometimes something is broken, I've been trying to figure out what is this inner pain I've been feeling, trying to tell me. Is this pain telling me I've been heading in the wrong direction, or is it a signal that this chapter will be added to my testimony, perhaps it's both.
Reflection TimeYou might be thinking to forsake the pain and just do you, but there's anxiety that comes with ignoring the throbbing in the back of your chest. Making decisions while plagued with such anxiety is a dangerous thing. I have anxiety in one hand and a pack of seemingly bad decisions in the other, while my mouth is stuffed with poisonous expectations and comparisons, I'm trying not to swallow. Then it hit me, that this is self torture and that's where the pain is coming from.
Identifying the Problem
I've been in an unhealthy cycle of looking at my past challenges and trying to dissect them to see the lesson in them. You might be thinking it's good to learn from your past mistakes, but not so much that it hinders the decisions you make in the present. I've read many articles on life lessons about making peace with ugly situations and each article reveals that everyone has their "a hah" moment, when their tunnel vision kicks in and they suddenly understand the benefit of struggle. I keep looking at my past to find the benefit in the struggle so I can find security in my future. It recently hit me that if you stare at puzzle pieces for too long without action you can get a headache and that's exactly what I've been doing.
Embracing the ResolveI've been trying to put the pieces together to make sense of my life without making any actions because I feel like if I don't understand why this happened then, I'm bound to make the same mistake again in the future. Ultimately you can't let past mistakes keep you from making new decisions and making new moves. You can't let a confusing past land you in a place of static motion, then nothing will truly get solved.I have to make moves in the present, make plans for my future while making peace with my past all at once, not one at a time. All three of these concepts connect like a puzzle piece, they all have to be together to make the whole picture.
Plan of ActionI was so obsessed with the past and trying to understand it that I lost my passion in the present and my image for the future became clouded. What I plan to do is to take action in the present towards a future goal, and instead of adamantly obsessing over my past I'm going to let my "a hah" moment find me.
After taking this time to have a little inner reflection on something that's been dragging me for so long, I was surprised at what the real issue was. Have you ever felt like something was off, or didn't feel right and was surprised at the source of your pain once you finally took an in-depth look?