Saturday, August 4, 2012

What I Learned This Summer

       I learned that I often feel like a little fish in not just a big pond but in an ocean, of prehistoric sized fish, dramatic isn't it, but it's oh so true. Don't get me wrong, this is not a pity post, but a post about excitement, a post about my view expanding and growing in the face of what's in front of me. I am optimistic, and happy I chose the major I did, previously I was second guessing my decision, I was convinced I should of taken English as my major, and journalism as my minor, but I'm not turning back on it now. I will be a published author but I will also be a journalist and I shall remain optimistic about my ever so rapidly approaching success. I am growing more and more excited for the future and I never want to lose that excitement nor do I want to lose my hunger.
  I learned this summer that any hurdle or mountain you face is just preparing you for something much bigger to come. If you find yourself stuck and troubled over transportation, a lack of money, if you're stressing about things that are currently out of your control simply stop it, whether you believe in any religion at all you must not only trust, but you must claim that your destined position in this world will come to you, not because you fought for it, not because you cried about it, not because you stressed about it, but because your destiny will reach you because it's your destiny not anyone else's, it was made solely for you. The path your life is supposed to make is created even before your birth, you can deny it if you want to but I take comfort in the fact that someday I'm going to be the next big thing, someday I will find the place that I belong and every bit of faith, and strength I summoned within me will see the benefit.
      I learned life can be overwhelming sometimes, life comes at us in waves small and big with things that seem like such huge problems but its a matter of figuring out is this a problem that can be solved right now or is it a problem that can't. If it's a problem that can be solved immediately then do so, fix the issue if it's not then there's obviously nothing you can do about it and all you can do is let it go.
  I learned how to let go, let it go the simplest phrase but it's the hardest to do. Let it go, it once seemed to be the most difficult thing I could possibly do in life there's so many things I thought I could never let go. I thought I would never figure out how to let go of things such as friends who have deceived me, feeling shut out and taken for granted, and all the rejections after rejections after rejections I thought I'd never let it go. It's hard to stand up carrying around such dreadful baggage it weighs you down wears out your muscles but once you release it's like the tension fades and  the sweetest sigh of relief floods into your body, it feels so amazing to let go.
      I learned to look on the brighter side of things, that looking at the glass half full instead of half empty is a lot more beneficial. Honestly, I was very well one of the most pessimistic,depressing creatures when something would go wrong. I would be neutrally settled in a mood then the slightest discrepancy would occur and I would be morbid, the poster child for sadness and anger. I was always so angry when it came to school I hated school, the only part that was enjoyable was when I had class with my friends but when it actually came to listening to teachers and doing homework I hated it with a passion the only reason I even went to more school functions this year is that it was my senior year and I was more so made to do so. My hatred for school stemmed from my frustration because, I thought all the work I've done was done in vain, that everything I've ever achieved meant nothing, because I didn't receive anything physically in return but I see it so differently now. The work that I've done, the awards that I have achieved were not in vain, I need to recognize my achievements as something I wanted for myself. I needed to see all my achievements as beneficial not only for a resume' but also for myself,  to look back a my success as not a waste, but look back at my success as a motivator. If I can do this and that, then what is there to keep me from doing more, so what if I wrote an amazing essay and still didn't receive the scholarship for it, writing the essay is proof to myself that I am a determined individual and that I should be grateful for my writing skills and grateful I have a computer, grateful I have support, grateful that I still have the will to try, and proud of my determination.
      I learned getting out of your comfort zone is and will always be uncomfortable because if it were comfortable then you'd still be in your comfort zone. New experiences and change don't necessarily have to be frightening like how I used to see it, being in a new place doesn't have to be bad. I always questioned my happiness but I never questioned my sadness why is that? Why was I so comfortable being miserable and eternally hateful, but paralyzed by the fear of trying to be happy again? Trying to be happy again was so scary and there are times when I want to revert back to that  when  you have grown so comfortable with disappointment and expect rejection, but I can't live that way anymore, I have to grow up and be successful. To be successful you can't live life defeated, you must be a champion, you can't continuously be a victim you must be your own superhero.
     In all, this Summer was a mix of harsh reality settling in, and a Summer of growth and change, because the reality before me doesn't have to be harsh, it can be whatever I want it to be and it's time I've taken that power back.

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