I love clothing,rings,earrings, fashion of sorts. I love makeup and face creams and mint masks, I love to look good. Sometimes, we as fashionistas can forget that the outside appearance and our physical possessions do not define us as people. Our physical appearance is apart but it's ALL of who we are and sometimes when it's forgotten you develop an unhealthy connection. Recently, I had a fit leaving a Target, I was going to buy a clutch when I was reminded I don't exactly have the cash to do so and that I need to save for books. I left disappointed,heartbroken and depressed. "Why did I have to put the cute bag away so I could pay for a book I didn't want and probably wouldn't use in class"!
I felt punished and rejected "why can't I have nice things". After calming down I realized I sounded crazy. How dare I ask the question "why can't I have nice things" when I just recently went shopping -_- there was a deeper problem as to why this simple clutch provoked so much ugly in me. When I was younger I was sure guys liked girls who dress nice. I wanted a guy to like me to prove to myself that it was possible for a guy to be interested in me and suddenly I developed an interest in fashion, mind you I was merely 11 or so when I created these awful theories.
I dressed nice but nothing changed, I assumed the problem wasn't my clothing it was ME. Something was specifically wrong with me and thus after, I withdrew from boys altogether and refused to speak to any of them besides my best friend who is a guy. As I got older I still loved fashion, and it began to replace the insecurity I had within myself. I grew older, matured and decided that even though "guys don't find me attractive that doesn't mean anything I know I'm beautiful that's all that counts". My inner confidence though semi- flawed (I'm doing another post on that), blossomed so did my attachment to physical things like clutch bags. Today, I recognize the attachment and I'm breaking it. Just because I don't have a new outfit or new shoes it doesn't make me any less amazing! I am still beautiful, new blouse or not! I am claiming my beauty today ALL OF IT, my closet will no longer have such power over me which brings me to the question, just how much do you love your closet?