Monday, November 5, 2012

I'm Still Here

          I've been doing so much thinking lately about befores and afters. I remember my first day of high school, when I went to orientation and I practically had a break down in the car. I was terrified of being the new kid again and walking those halls alone, I was so nervous and anxious at this new change I was facing. The anxiety and panic I felt at my high school orientation was a lot like that of the anxiety I felt about my first day of college. I was so anxious, and frightened it was like holding a grenade with oil coated hands. At any moment I felt like I'd self destruct. Now, I've never been so comfortable and confident about my campus navigating skills. I like walking about on campus, just myself, God and my own thoughts is enough for me. Once upon a time, I used to find pain in my beginning loneliness but no longer am I lonely I am comfortable in being alone, but I'm never lonely. I feel like through my college experience I've grown so much closer to God and that through every experience he is always equipping me with the tools to get through them. Through my transition I've come out so much closet to God, and that closeness my profound connection to God has grown and matured with me. I'm proud of myself that when facing these new challenges and changes I didn't run from them and revert to the darkness that is my old pessimistic self.
         I'll be moving onto campus soon enough and I need to carry my relationship with God with me, into this next experience as well. God will never leave me, he has never given up on me, the only reason I couldn't recognize his presence beforehand is because I allowed fear to cake and muck up my view. Now with my new found confidence in God, I've grown more comfortable with change and I recognize I am strong enough to adapt and handle all the things that come with that change. I'm looking to God to help me, not only acknowledge the full length of my strength, but also to help me find the proper path. I find myself a little shook up when approaching the technical aspects of journalism. I'm realizing that sometimes there's some parts and bits I'm not entirely fond of such as the fact that it's not the most stable industry and sometimes I fear I lack the necessary people skills to conduct a proper interview( I know I'm thinking way to into it, and I am being somewhat hard on myself). I just want to find the best path for not only myself, but something where I can reach others. I can't give up though regardless of what I'm afraid of, or what I think I need success not only for myself but for the team that has stood behind me all these years. I have some idea of the career I wish to venture into such as: Writing, reading,talking,inspiring,and growing.

I also want to make other forms of personal progress such as:

  • Getting my license! I can't believe I still haven't gotten my license it upsets me so much simply to think about it!
  • Getting a job this Summer.
  • Getting that scholarship I'm not giving up!
I am blessed to at least have some vision and direction, and I still have some hunger for it. 


No comments:

Post a Comment