Monday, December 17, 2012

Ego Intensity

              You may not be able to tell from posts or Youtube videos, you may not even be able to tell when you meet me, you may not be able to tell even after 4 years of friendship but my emotions can go from a neutral 5 to a 50 on a scale that was originally made to only measure from 1-10. My emotions, especially the negative ones have a way of provoking practically physical pain in the heart of me, which is why I decided I wanted to get in touch with something deeper inside of me, I wanted to learn how to heal myself once my assumptions and negative attitude would already cause me harm. I read an article by Lissa Rankin  that you should check out here http://www.owningpink.com/blogs/owning-pink/my-ego-wounded-animal. Lissa Rankin defines the ego, as our a disconnect from out inner self. The ego, is the person we are that was made from our external world. I personally would define ego, as what we created as a shield for our deeper selves when our inner spirit grows fearful of our external world. The ego was created to also help us better assimilate to the materialistic world surrounding us.
              I realize now, that those intense, nasty emotions and attitudes that have been dictated by the outside world are all ego. My ego is loud, angry,greedy, craves attention and then when doesn't receive said attention she resorts to insulting herself and making herself sick. My ego has pride the size of the 3 moons, and 7 small galaxies, I know what my ego looks like, I know what she enjoys, what she hates, to be honest with you I know my ego like the back of my hand which is both good and bad. I know my ego so well, but I lack knowledge on the other side of my, the spiritual side of me. I'm naming my ego Daniella Starbright something dramatic and attention grabbing because my ego wouldn't have it any other way. I became so comfortable with my ego, I let her do everything for me, I let her think for me, make decisions for me, and although some were good looking back a lot were bad as well.
            My inner spirit is my true self and I haven't interacted with her enough in the past years sadly.My inner self is a sweetheart,she loves falling in love, she loves making others laugh, she loves making others feel better. My inner self is one of the most compassionate, empathetic creatures to walk the face of the Earth. My inner self is so sensitive to others emotions, she still believes that love is powerful and that if you love something enough it can make it grow not only bigger but stronger, she believes in generosity and dreaming. My inner self  believes in loving everyone, she believes everyone deserves second chances, she believes everyone has potential she believes in humanity. My inner self  believes that with enough faith any and all things are possible. My inner self  and I are distant friends we talk from time to time, we believe in some of the same things but I don't act on some of the things we believe in nearly as much as my inner self would like me to, I'm too busy plotting my next move with Daniella. I want  a closer relationship with my inner self, with my true being. I love the other side of myself, the deeper me, the inner spirit is someone I'm proud of , she and I used to be best friends when I was younger but it's like as I grew older the harder it was to talk to her, and Daniella started taking up more room.
       I feel like I've made great strides in identifying my ego, Daniella from my inner spirit greatly over these last few months since school started, I actually could hear my inner voice over Daniella who's usually yelling in my ear. I want my inner self to grow once more and be a lot more dominant in my life, and I need Daniella to take a chill pill.
 

2 comments:

  1. Aw this was so deep! I can relate a lot to what you're saying here, I'm letting my ego get all the control of me and it's destroying some things that I take to heart the most. The thing is that I know I need to get closer with my inner self, with the real me but it's so hard I don't even know how I would be able to do that. Maybe it's a matter of control?

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  2. I think it is a matter of control, I mean ego is something that's going to be apart of us just as much as our inner being is, so it matters more which side we feed, which side do we get the upper hand and the first step I think is identifying those 2 sides and what they mean to do, and go with our gut because they both have their purpose

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