I like to think that someday, I'll look back on this very difficult time in my life from a better position. I like to think I'll look back on those moments where I cried and worried myself sick with the shaking of my head and acknowledging that I actually learned something from the pain. I wait for the day I can tell someone of my testimony, I wait for the day I can tell everyone how God really pulled through for me and I came out much happier and successful than I would of been otherwise. I don't know why I'm in the current phase I am, perhaps I'm struggling because God knows I can handle it, but just because I can does that mean I should have to? Perhaps God is trying to test my endurance, perhaps tomorrow everything will get better, but it's not up for me to know.
There's a quote from an undefined source( as a lot of FB quotes are), that says something along the lines of, teachers don't talk during tests, God's silence is a sign that this is a test. I think God is testing if I have blind faith, but then again that might not be it at all. My job isn't to figure out why the things that are happening to me are happening to me, my job is to keep believing in him, in the face of it all. It's not up to me to figure out whys and hows, my job is merely handle it and keep praying,praising and staying faithful.In the mean time, I found a Christian blog that actually made feel a lot better about a lot of things, called Off The Cuff Christian it's lovely, informative and helps clear things up for you.