Saturday, June 15, 2013

I Can't Afford To Dream?

       So, the other day I'm on Twitter and I follow the HuffPost Detroit,when I see one of their tweets,"This chart will freak out every mom and dad in America" I click on the link out of curiosity and yet again, I read another article about the outrageous debt college students are in, and college has grown  even more expensive. I'm a glutton for punishment and continue to read and look at the stats. Deep down inside I try to tell myself "an article doesn't define my college education for me", "an article shouldn't scare me away from a goal", "an article doesn't make those kinds of decisions for me". I try to talk myself down, while still reading the article, and then I see related articles and click those as well. Soon my computer's browser is chock full of nothing but articles that are talking about the uprising of school prices, and the struggle of the college student. Millions of facts, statistics,charts, and professionals giving quotes explaining that getting a college education is one of the most financially difficult things to do, and even once you get the degree, there's still a chance you can't get a job to pay off the loans you took out, to get the degree in the first place. Suddenly I'm being slammed with popups and websites that say"Scholarship Here", "Scholarship There", "Sign Up for this False Website and You Might Have a Chance at a Scholarship, But an Even Bigger Chance of Getting Spam in Your Email Box for the Rest of Your Life".
       Before I know it, I'm sitting with my tired little laptop,torturing myself with the fear of failure,drowning in debt and self doubt, sobbing. This is when my faith in God gets tested, this is when I consider deleting every blog I own, all my social media, my youtube videos, my poetry, taking myself out of school, and shoving all my stupid little aspirations and dreams away. This is when I want to rip up my vision boards and scoff at the mere idea of me achieving my dreams, of buying my parents a home, buying them a car, starting my own scholarship for journalism students like me, who will need money after graduating(majority of journalism students end up interning for free, because that's how it is at a lot of publications). This is when I break down and come to the realization that I can't afford to dream. 
       After crying, and using half a role of tissue paper because now my allergies have awakened and plan to wreak havoc, I think "what next". If I can't afford to dream, then what can I afford? If I can't afford aspirations, if I can't afford to achieve, if I can't afford to desire, if I can't afford to want, what can I afford? What am I without being a dreamer?Who am I without being able to dream? Where would I be right now, if I didn't dream for more, I didn't dream for better?
    I find myself cancelling out the college expense coated browser I had opened still on my laptop.I then make a rule and add it to my vision board "nothing will make me doubt myself", I then add "keep dreaming", I then add "statistics mean nothing to the will of God", and suddenly I feel whole. I feel like there's plan for me I can't see, but I can feel it's presence. Those websites,articles, and other media can be overwhelming but  at the end of the day it's not up to that, it's up to you and God. My success is between myself and my creator, and he has blessed me with an infinite abundance therefore I can afford to dream,as much as I please.

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