Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Strength

   

         I've grown. I have admittedly grown mentally but I still suffer growing pains. Moments like now where I'm in this in between stage of my higher education, my mind says "stop looking so far in the future, let go and let God", but it's not always that easy, but I do give myself props for at least having that thought process down. Once upon a time, I would of spent August crying. I spent August crying last year, in pain and in panic,feeling forsaken. Last August, I was afraid of not receiving my FASFA money in enough time, looking back at it I laugh now because I though I was the only college student in the world who hadn't received their money yet lol. Making mountains out of mole hills is my specialty.
       Now that I've matured at least in the slightest I can acknowledge just how my dramatic antics make situations bigger and scarier than what they are. I love who I am, and I love that I can recognize who I am, calm myself down and reassure myself again. I could cry tears of joy because once upon a time I lost so much confidence in myself my freshman year, it feels good to truly love who I am again. I faked my love for myself for a very long time, I faked caring for myself because I couldn't bring myself to do it for real due to my situation,mistakes and blaming myself constantly. After the dorm situation,my classes being all over the place, and lack of money for books I couldn't look myself in the mirror and be proud of what looked back at me. My faith was gone in myself and 100% in God, that alone is how I know I always land on my feet. Even though now I believe in myself again, ultimately I believe in him as well. When I am weak, He is strong but I can't deny how grateful and happy I am to feel strong again. The revival of my strength does not take away from God's, because it is His strength that moves through me.
                                  
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