Saturday, January 11, 2014

Other Kinds of Insecurity


      Often self-esteem and insecurities are associated with a lack of confidence in one's appearance, but what happens when it's a lack of confidence in one's self?It took me a long time before I realized I had low self-esteem because if you asked me "hey do you have low self-esteem?", I'd quickly reply "naw bro, my black is beautiful".Although my black is indeed beautiful, there are other things I was severely insecure about and it was hurting me a lot more than I thought was possible.
      I remember lying in bed thinking "why even get up, what do you have to do that is so important, oh yea-nothing, because that's what you are nothing".After one harmful thought comes, another one shows up, and another, and before I knew it I was sobbing, curled into a ball cursing my very existence.For what, why was I hating myself so much?Why was I viciously attacking myself?
    I figured out that I was putting my self worth in the wrong things, and looking for approval in the wrong things as well..If I wasn't overachieving in school or received the job I wanted that broke me to the core.You can't give school and a job the right to determine how worthy of a person you are, if a person gets a job and then is let go that doesn't mean they're a loser for the rest of their lives, it just means they were let go.Ultimately, self-esteem and gaining security within yourself is all in the mind not in things.
    I made the decision to define who I am and to value my own opinion of myself because I'm worth it.No more self destructive thoughts, they help nothing.No one ever became successful through self hate and being overtly critical.If you can't manage to see the good in you, then I want to remind you that your friends and family see how perfect you are all the time and if you lack friends and family then I'm personally letting you know, I see the perfection lying inside of you, but it's up to you to embrace it.


  1. Like they say an idle mind...

    Everyday you wake up Dinesha, i would like you to challenge yourself in discovering something new and then write about it in a journal. Better still start a grateful jar where you write on a piece of paper each day what you are thankful for. Every time you see someone, stranger or not, find the most positive thing about the person and start doing the same for yourself even if you don't want to. I am not any wiser or smarter but we are all here to inspire each other. You are worth so much more than you think.

    Thank you for sharing this. Hope your week starts off right :).

  2. I am really loving this post. A girlfriend and I had a similar conversation about insecurities and I came to the conclusion that a lot of times insecurities come from lack of self-efficacy (the extent or strength of one's belief in ones own ability) and has a lot of influence on the way we think, feel & behave. Our perceptions of ourselves define controls everything that we do & all of the paths we take. And I believe that this is what insecurity derives from a long with negative thoughts that only make the problem worse.

  3. thank you and I completely agree as well, through how we see ourselves truly does determine the choices we've make in our lives and once we allow negativity in the issues get bigger and worse